Darth Smurf's Sith Hole

SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. [placeholder GIF - will find better one before posting] Greg Miller: Role Model, Icon Ugh. I just got done listening to the latest PS I Love You XOXO podcast about PlayStation, and if I took a shot every time they said the words "Game Pass," I'd be on a stretcher as paramedics try desperately to revive me. "Cripes! HOW MANY shots of Apple Pucker?" I listen to that podcast to hear about PlayStation. And Shu. And Knack. And the Water Man. Not how Xbox is trying to ruin the industry. And yes, I said "ruin" because I feel that Game Pass is dangerous to my favorite hobby. And am I the only one who sees this? Am I somehow immune to Bill Gates' vaccine nanobots and I'm now in a technology-based version of They Live? Why is everybody green with Zune logos on their foreheads? It's everywhere: Twitter, ResetEra, Kinda Funny... I can't escape. Netflix vs. Game Pass The comparison is always there. Microsoft's Game Pa

The view from our driveway. So we decided to take an impromptu camping trip after a large explosion in Sun Prairie, Wisconsin took down several buildings. And by “we decided” I mean “suddenly evacuated.” If you haven't experienced this yet, having two cats and a dog in the backseat of a Toyota Corolla is a blast... er... uh... not great. But let's start at the beginning... I was home playing No Man’s Sky (yeah, I really was—hey, those bazillion planets aren't going to explore themselves) when the Barr House exploded. The house shook so badly I thought a cement truck jumped the curb and ran into our residence. I jumped up in my Family Guy™ pajama shorts and checked every room to make sure there wasn’t a vehicle sticking out of a wall before calming down our pets. After all that, I went outside—still in my Family Guy™ pajama shorts and bare feet—to witness all of my neighbors on the sidewalk gazing into the sky at the giant plume of brown smoke (pictured at right the bla

First, the background story: Years ago, we cut our cable in favor of using OTA channels coupled with a TiVo and Netflix/Hulu to receive all of our content. And by "receive all of our content" I mean "binge unhealthy amounts of Gilmore Girls and JAG." In our area, we had two options: Charter (Spectrum) and Frontier. Frontier’s top speed was Charter’s bottom and was not really an option for gaming, or really anything. So, we had ONE option—the localized monopoly. And their "service" was abysmal. I paid for 60 MBs, but every speed test averaged out to about 30-40 (I have the logs and I’ve only gotten 60 once, so I know it’s possible). And their service would randomly slow to a crawl or stop working all-together and no amount of trouble-shooting on their end fixed the problem. Even buying a new router resulted in half the speed I was paying for. But after years of verbal abuse perpetrated by Charter's phone-bot, I just accepted it. About June, a fly

As a gaming nerd, I tend to find a few places on the web to plant myself for news, reviews and forum discussions. Recently, I've decided to pack my bags, take my lamp, my chair and my paddle game and move on from a few of them. Here's a few of the notable ones. GameFAQs: Imagine being dropped off at a playground that is populated only by schoolyard bullies. And you forgot to wear pants that day. That's GameFAQs.  And, in between beatings, you may ask where all the parents are... but then it slowly dawns on you—half of these people. ARE. The parents.  If you need a quick tip on how to unlock a certain trophy, fine. But do it quickly and do NOT, under any circumstances, visit the forums. In that Mad Maxian-dystopia, you will question how the laws of physics can sustain a universe where so many bullies can so densely populate one area without existence collapsing on itself.  But, but, but... YouTube. No. If you thought nothing could be worse than YouTube comments,

I've really debated posting anything here, because it's not really my style, but I'm a little bit stressed today. And the only way I know how to deal with stress, or really any emotion, is either beer or humor. So here's hopefully some of the latter... Last May (2014), I had sinus surgery to remove some polyps. Okay, a LOT of polyps. I have had so many sinus infections over the last few years, my sense of smell was pretty much non-existent (both a blessing and a curse—I'll leave it up to you to picture each scenario) and one nostril was completely obstructed (for years), but I was dealing with it all. Flashback to January of 2014 when I got a sinus infection so bad and my polyps were so numerous that I couldn't get rid of it with antibiotics. Although it did ruin my stomach for a month, so I had that going for me. Basically, the fluid had nowhere to drain. So I scheduled my surgery and "lived" with a sinus infection for nearly 5 months until my appoi

Author's Note: I wrote this last year and never published it. I guess I didn't find it funny enough for the general public. But with everything I've experienced this "summer" so far, I think it needs to be shared finally (although I did add a few extra words). I was privileged enough to experience a brief glimpse of something we once called "the sun" today. For 7 whole minutes, its warm touch graced my pale cheek through the window near my office desk. Squinting through the bright rays, I could make out smiles on the faces driving past. Could it be? True happiness? An emotion once thought extinct, yet, somehow present on this humid day in Wisconsin. But, the all-too-familiar clouds quickly smothered this giant mass of incandescent gas and with it our collective grinning visages. Hopes of dog walks, bike rides, kite flying, backyard picnics, camp fires, driving with the windows down, skipping merrily towards KFC... um... anything that requires one