Darth Smurf's Sith Hole

I will try not to cry while typing this, but... oh... too late... hold on a second. There... I think I've mustered up enough strength to continue. Tragically, my trusty iPod of almost 9 years, passed away at 10:12 am Thursday morning. His battery life had been waning in the last few years, to a barely usable 3 hours, when a sudden, unexpected hard drive wipe late last week took its toll on the electronic gadget. Mr. iPod had been on almost constant life support following that horrifying incident, with high hopes that he'd eventually pull through. There were several attempts to reload music, but constant lock-ups during syncing prevented him from returning to his former glory. In his final days, Mr. iPod wasn't able to keep a charge and suffered from long pauses and constant song skipping with the scanty amount of MP3s he was able to retain. In the end, it was too much for his little 20GB hard drive to handle and was pronounced dead after a short battle with David Bo...

Snow falls for the 37th straight day this month. I fear I shall never feel the warmth of the sun on my face again. It was especially apparent after my flip flops packed their bags, gave my stack of dusty shorts an uncomfortably long "goodbye" kiss and boarded a bus to Mexico this morning. My snow shoveling boots, drunk with power, mocked them as they neared the front door. I waved to them as they fled in the taxi cab, barely acknowledging me from the back window, but deep down, I know it was for the best. Someday perhaps, if this desolate winter ever decides to discontinue punishing us for a crime apparently too unspeakable to know, we shall be reunited. Running merrily towards one another atop a flowery hillside. Leaping into my welcoming arms before placing them gingerly upon my calloused, weathered feet, destined for a lengthy, well-deserved stroll along a coastal beach. But until then, I have... forget it. This sucks. I hate Wisconsin. Rage. Building. Too. Intense. ...

Dear Dogs, Please, and I'm fairly certain that I am not the only one requesting this, but please, for the love of everything good and pure, STOP ROLLING IN DEAD THINGS. I know it's fun. There really is no other sensation like rotting carrion smeared all over your back, but there is a reason this activity isn't replacing hot stone massage in spas. And that would be the stench. While my sinuses generally keep most smells from ever reaching my brain, moist rodent death is not one that it blocks. Ever. And while that might make a great name for an Emo perfume or a country music band, it is not something that one generously wafts towards their faces to experience more of. Freshly baked bread and apple pie will never be bumped out of the top two aromas by unspecified-length-of-time decomposing sparrow. And, if you simply can't resist a quick tumble in the furry cat toy graveyard, whatever you do, please don't also somehow manage to entangle the mushy, dripping car...

I absolutely hate that someone can become famous by simply being a human train wreck. We used to reward people with skill, talent, desirable genes and other redeeming qualities, but now society's regurgitation can fill our TV and radio stations with their mind-bottling stupidity. I'm not an advocate for violence, but when I hear the name Honey Boo Boo, my brain wants to murder my ear holes for allowing that horrible sound entrance into my head, and in turn, being forced to expend actual energy translating those atrocious syllables into discernible thought. I'm trembling just simply typing that. Here's an idea for a reality show: Let's find the people responsible for Jersey Shore and lock them in a room with the cast of Jersey Shore. Forever. I'd suggest launching that room into the sun, but I have a feeling they would only feed on its yellow power like General Zod and return to exact revenge. Dancing With the Stars should be sued for their bludgeoning of ...

As many of you may know, I am sans Xbox since its unfortunate demise last week. So being without, I was forced to play a new game called, "The Outdoors" this weekend. Here is my review of this new game: I was only able to play through one level on Saturday called "The Arboretum", but I think I got a feel for what the rest of the game is like. The first thing I noticed about this level was the interface. No HUD, no on-screen prompts, no tutorial, no note stream, no clutter to cloud the screen at all. And it was surprisingly intuitive for having no real direction. I was given a map though, which might as well have been written in Chinese for how useful it was. At no time did it ever display an arrow on the map to indicate where I currently was. No matter how many times I looked at it, it never updated to show where I've been or my current status. It was just a map and I guess it served its purpose although not as friendly as other in-game maps I'm accustome...

So... I figured I would try this out just to see how it works.  If useful, I may actually... use it.  We'll see.