RIP: iPod

I will try not to cry while typing this, but... oh... too late... hold on a second.

There... I think I've mustered up enough strength to continue.

Tragically, my trusty iPod of almost 9 years, passed away at 10:12 am Thursday morning. His battery life had been waning in the last few years, to a barely usable 3 hours, when a sudden, unexpected hard drive wipe late last week took its toll on the electronic gadget. Mr. iPod had been on almost constant life support following that horrifying incident, with high hopes that he'd eventually pull through. There were several attempts to reload music, but constant lock-ups during syncing prevented him from returning to his former glory.

In his final days, Mr. iPod wasn't able to keep a charge and suffered from long pauses and constant song skipping with the scanty amount of MP3s he was able to retain. In the end, it was too much for his little 20GB hard drive to handle and was pronounced dead after a short battle with David Bowie's "The Heart's Filthy Lesson." Although my wife places the blame squarely on Carly Rae Jepson stating that constant replays of her song "sapped his will to live."

Mr. iPod was purchased in the summer of 2004 and had been a regular companion during long days at work virtually every weekday for nearly 9 full years. Although often teased for his bulky size and weight, his heavy workload saved me from monotonous days behind my computer, which would have otherwise been suffered in silence. Mr. iPod is survived by his two parents, both iMacs and his three siblings, an iPod Mini and two iPhones.

His body was cremated and after several attempts at spreading his ashes inside the West Towne Mall's Apple Store, despite my sobbing pleas, I was promptly arrested and sentenced to 40 hours community service.

Apple representatives have refused to comment.

R.I.P. Mr. iPod
2004 - 2013

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