Why, Network Execs, Why?

I absolutely hate that someone can become famous by simply being a human train wreck. We used to reward people with skill, talent, desirable genes and other redeeming qualities, but now society's regurgitation can fill our TV and radio stations with their mind-bottling stupidity.

I'm not an advocate for violence, but when I hear the name Honey Boo Boo, my brain wants to murder my ear holes for allowing that horrible sound entrance into my head, and in turn, being forced to expend actual energy translating those atrocious syllables into discernible thought. I'm trembling just simply typing that.

Here's an idea for a reality show: Let's find the people responsible for Jersey Shore and lock them in a room with the cast of Jersey Shore. Forever. I'd suggest launching that room into the sun, but I have a feeling they would only feed on its yellow power like General Zod and return to exact revenge.

Dancing With the Stars should be sued for their bludgeoning of the word "stars." That is the epitome of false advertising. I see nothing that could ever be mistaken for either dancing or stars.

And when you are famous merely for having a famous relative, you should have to either prove your monetary worth and fame or sign a waiver promising to never come within a 5 mile radius of a camera. Violators would face castration to save future generations from their vile spawn. We shouldn't all be forced to know what a Kardashian is, what nauseating sounds it makes nor what a Hilton had for lunch. Answer: a grape skin and the soul of a screaming newborn.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cutting the Cord—or—Charter is like Syphilis, Except There's a Cure

Image
First, the background story: Years ago, we cut our cable in favor of using OTA channels coupled with a TiVo and Netflix/Hulu to receive all of our content. And by "receive all of our content" I mean "binge unhealthy amounts of Gilmore Girls and JAG." In our area, we had two options: Charter (Spectrum) and Frontier. Frontier’s top speed was Charter’s bottom and was not really an option for gaming, or really anything. So, we had ONE option—the localized monopoly. And their "service" was abysmal. I paid for 60 MBs, but every speed test averaged out to about 30-40 (I have the logs and I’ve only gotten 60 once, so I know it’s possible). And their service would randomly slow to a crawl or stop working all-together and no amount of trouble-shooting on their end fixed the problem. Even buying a new router resulted in half the speed I was paying for. But after years of verbal abuse perpetrated by Charter's phone-bot, I just accepted it. About June, a fly
Read more

I Can Only Stands So Much and I Can't Stands No More

Image
We. Are. Moving. Seriously. Proof. Oh great. Now I want a Chicken Slider. Fantastic. Thanks, White Castle. After the worst winter in [my] recorded history, thanks to our surly friend Mr. Polar Vortex, word on the street is that his abusive step-father El Niño is on the way. But, until that lovely day we get thunderstorm after thunderstorm after thunderstorm to keep us entertained. For instance, this morning instead of getting ready for work, we were huddled in the basement with air raid sirens accompanying the soothing sounds of torrential downpour, gale force winds and shingles being torn mercilessly from the roof. We had 2/3rds of our animals sheltered (and thoroughly confused) with us, so we at least had that in the "Plus" column. The other was found later hiding under a bed. I nearly joined him. Here's a note for any interested: Sump pumps do not actually pump water when you have no electricity. So all the water shooting into the basement from the ceiling an
Read more

Art Funtime with Shaner –or– SHArt Time

Episode 3: Hand Sculptures Today, I’ll show you kids at home how to make fun, exciting art with your own hand using common, every day items around the house. Here are the materials you’ll need: A hand A glass thermometer A CBS sitcom laugh track (optional) Step 1: At the request of an ailing wife, locate your household thermometer. You may have to rifle through several drawers, so plan ahead. Step 2: Once found, attempt to pry the thermometer from its case. This works best if the last person to use it put it back incorrectly or jammed it with adhesive, like Gorilla Glue or Nutella. Step 3: Bleed profusely into a sink full of dirty dishes. 1 or 2 uncharacteristic cuss words are acceptable in this situation as you pull shards of glass from your fingers frantically. 3 cusses is too many, so use your allotment wisely. Step 4: Calmly and rationally request that your wife join you in the kitchen, so she may aide you in wrapping your gaping wounds with old, but hopeful
Read more